Finding Happiness
I’ll let you into a little secret… I am not a Supermum.
I tried that gig and, to be perfectly honest, I failed miserably.
Back in my previous life, I thought I could do it all – have the corporate career, be a fantastic, loving wife, raise a happy, well-adjusted child, finish an MBA with high marks, keep a clean, orderly household and cook healthy, nutritious meals, eaten as a family at a table, every day.
Who was I kidding?
The reality was this:
- More-than-daily screaming at “determined” 2yo munchkin over EVERYTHING while trying to rush him off to daycare, pick him up from daycare, feed him, bath him, put him to bed…
- Weekly PT sessions begging my trainer to give me more boxing and kicking exercises to vent my frustration;
- Evenings spent curled up on the couch dozing, because I couldn’t keep my eyes open, text books left open on my lap. Weekends finishing assignments and studying for exams, while the boys did fun things like visiting Aston Martin and Maserati showrooms;
- Incredibly bad decision making, no doubt heavily under the influence of stress hormone cortisol, like saying to my boss, “No, I’m not going into this <really important> meeting yet, I’m still eating my lunch” (yes, I really did say that!);
- Nitpicking hubby over every little thing, so that he was constantly grumpy;
- Weight gain and associated loss of self-esteem, due to our reliance on take-away as a regular form of sustenance.
Things at work were bad. Not only was my performance sadly lacking, but market conditions were dreadful, big restructures were hinted at and eventually implemented, and personally, I felt that even my best efforts were to no avail. I don’t know how close to a breakdown I was, but it was close… frighteningly close.
Somewhere in the middle of this, I found myself working late at night surrounded by beautiful papers, putting together colour palettes for market research. A thought entered my head, “I’m happy, I’m actually really happy”, like it was something totally unexpected. It hit me – this was what I LOVED to do – why I had wanted this job so badly in the first place.
It was a glimmer of hope in an ocean of darkness. A Mack Truck moment.
As they say, the rest is history. Not long after, as part of the restructure, I was made redundant.
I started Leaf.
I (re)discovered a wealth of things that make me happy.
- Enjoying and surrounding myself with beautiful things – stationery, designer and handmade goods, music, art, nature, ideas
- Being the mum I’d always hoped I’d be (well, most days) – with the time and energy to share stories and laughter, go on adventures, make stuff, discover the little things
- Spending time with hubby in a favourite wine bar or restaurant like we used to do in Life BC
- Reading – books, blogs, articles, you name it
- Chatting about “real” stuff with “real” people
- Meeting people and making new friends – sometimes in person, sometimes through Facebook and Twitter
- Discovering amazing music I’d never heard before, and then singing it
- Walking in the forest
- Sitting in a cozy café, writing
- Experiencing zen while weeding the garden
Having the freedom to be just ME.
The secret was out. Being a Supermum doesn’t make you happy. Being yourself – the genuine, best YOU does. Simple.
So, what’s your secret to happiness?
This is another Story Starter Challenge post, where I choose cards, totally at random , from one of Leaf’s Story Starter conversation card sets. This week’s cards were from the Kid Stuff theme, and were “I’m happiest when…” and “Secret”.
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Kelly Exeter says:
May 26, 2011 at 12:03 am
Lovely and inspiring post Cath!
katepickle says:
May 26, 2011 at 11:37 am
What a fab post… so inspiring to read about someone who put happiness first and made it work. I often tell my 7 year old twins that being happy is the most important thing… pity I don’t take my own advice more often! Thanks for the inspiration!
Lina Nguyen says:
May 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Hi Cath
Thank you so much for your honesty. I take this blog post as a heed of warning as a new mum. My son is 3 months old now, and the last few days I’ve been thinking long and hard about what’s really important to me. The whole “supermum” thing, and the idea of “can we have it all?” – I don’t know why we women have put this pressure on ourselves.
You know, I really don’t want to have more in my life. I want to BE MORE. Thanks for getting me to stop and contemplate. I might write a blog post about it…
My secret to happiness? I’ve learnt that it’s about being totally present and enjoying the moment. Women are particularly bad at this (always thinking about the next thing to do, worries about what happened 10 minutes ago, the next project…etc). It’s something I have to actually work at, but when I catch myself not being present, I just bring myself back.
Yes, I would say that that’s the “secret”, if you want to call it that. Not really a secret though. Meditators have known this since the beginning of time.
Loved your post – Thank you.
Cath says:
May 27, 2011 at 9:37 pm
Thanks Lina for your lovely insights. You are quite right, this is not “new” knowledge but some of the most ancient wisdom in the world. However, I think we’re so busy seeking “new” knowledge, that we forget to look to the past. In many ways, this is what lies behind Leaf… to preserve the wisdom of everyday people for the future, so that those to come can learn and understand this wisdom of the past.
Cath says:
May 27, 2011 at 9:38 pm
I don’t always take my own advice either. But at least there is an awareness, which will hopefully lead to long-lasting results. Thanks for your lovely comments ladies.