No news is good news
Disclaimer: This boy is not actually Bernard, it’s a stock photo, but he reminds me of him. I do have an actual photo of Bernard, but out of respect I have chosen to use the above photo. A little creativity on your behalf is appreciated.
This is Bernard. Or maybe it WAS Bernard. The truth is I don’t know if he is still alive.
I met Bernard nearly 18 years ago, trekking to see the gorillas in what was then called Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of Congo). He, along with a group of other local boys, made the 3 hour trek with myself and a few members of our group, with the aim of being employed as my porter. About 2 hours in, after laughing and chatting and gently dissuading him, the climb grew tougher and the altitude kicked in. I reneged and handed him my backpack. It cost me about $2.
Bernard’s story was typical of the region. He was working as a porter to pay for his schooling. At 13, he had only recently started school and was in first grade. His family had been too poor to pay for his education prior to this. Like the many other entrepreneurial young boys I met on that trip through Africa, he was personable and hard-working, and he had big dreams. He wanted to become a teacher and financially support his family. He wanted to escape the dire poverty of his village, and although he did not discuss this openly, the dangerous political instability so much a feature of the region (the Rwandan Crisis had occurred only about 3 months earlier). He dreamt of moving to the city, of raising a family, of being able to put his children through school.
That day, chatting with Bernard, was one of the highlights of my journey.
A little while later, while watching the news in the comfort of my lounge room, I learned that the area in which his village was located had been subject to brutal attacks. Hundreds of locals had been killed. Machetes were involved. My thoughts returned to Bernard and the other boys who were our porters that day; to the dirty, malnourished but beautiful little children who ran out to grab our hands as we walked through their villages; of the quiet mothers who watched (a little disapprovingly) as we passed by. This news story was only a brief clip – it had only made the news because it had happened so close to the gorilla reserve. It was read in the calm, concerned voice of a newsreader who presents bad news every day for a living. For most people, it was received in the same way. “That’s terrible. Now what’s for dinner?”
But inside me, something broke. The realisation that in every news story, there are real people, with real lives and real stories washed over me and buried itself deep into my psyche. They were people like Bernard.
I think now is a good time to admit that I rarely watch the news. Since the two-year-old munchkin asked me, “What’s murder, Mummy”, we don’t listen to the news in the car either. Occasionally I read the paper or the online news, but mostly for the editorial. I still find out most of what’s going on, through news headlines on the roadside, or Facebook, or my Mum.
I used to watch TV dramas like Law and Order, Criminal Intent and Bones. I don’t any more (OK, I still watch Bones occasionally). Bit by bit, I’ve weaned myself off violence.
Munchkin’s exposure to violence has been comparatively minor, yet he still loves to play “Police” and “Knights” and “Pirates”. Despite my best efforts, he is fascinated by the military and constantly asks questions about war. While gun games are strictly banned in our house, the occasional pretend “water pistol” or “laser beam” makes an entry to his games. I try to acknowledge the “boy” in him, but find it incredibly difficult some days.
I often wonder at the incredible efforts to censor sex in our society, while we simultaneously allow our children to be exposed to so much violence, from a really young age. I am still reluctant to take the munchkin to the movies, knowing there will be a “scary bit”, even in movies aimed at small children, even in Pooh! I know that our Spiderman and Ben10 free household is a rarity (for a house with boys, that is). I cringe at the ads (particularly programming announcements) that appear during our family TV times, while watching sport, Top Gear or Monster Moves – programs that I consider reasonable viewing for a 5 year old boy. We regularly have to ask the munchkin to close his eyes, despite the fact that the news clips that break into programs are supposedly toned down in their graphic depiction of the “news” during this “family viewing time”.
It is my opinion that we have become far too desensitised to the real human tragedy that unfolds each and every day on our TVs, computers, radios and newspapers. Yes, it means that we can know what is going on in the world. Yes, it means that we can cope emotionally and continue to go about our daily, violence-free lives. Yes, it means that when things do happen on a truly massive, tragic scale, we can pour out our hearts and our dollars.
But it also means that we become distanced, and lose our natural empathy for those real stories behind real lives of real people. People like Bernard.
For me, no news is good news.
Today’s political ramblings were inspired by cards randomly selected from our Life Story Starter conversation cards. The cards were “I’ll never forget…” and “News & Events”.
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Kerri says:
June 3, 2011 at 10:27 am
You are not alone Cath. Very similar in our house too. My boy need more time than other children to develop the emotional maturity to deal with the ‘real’ world. Let him be an innocent child for as long as possible. They is only so much room in a brain why fill it with junk when there is sooooo much magic and inspiration!
Cath says:
June 3, 2011 at 12:56 pm
I totally agree Kerri. I think we need to allow our kids to learn to dream before we shatter them with disappointment, and to see beauty before despair. That way their little brains will be wired to look for the good and the noble first. At least, that is what I am hoping.
tinsenpup says:
November 11, 2011 at 11:07 pm
I feel the same. We don’t watch television anymore. I listen to the radio a little. Somehow the lack of the visual element means that I can hear news without feeling overwhelmed by it. Having said that, there has been a couple of things broadcast recently that I found really disturbing.
Cranky Old Man says:
November 12, 2011 at 5:33 am
Very interesting story, you make good points, we do become insensitized. I think you are right to shield your chldren from bad stuff, but do not insulate them entirely, growing up is learning, and we all need to learn about “bad stuff”.
As an aside, as a child I loved to “play guns and Army” I had cap pistols, water guns and rubber band guns. I even had a bee bee gunfor target practice.
I have never fired a real gun in my life.
The Cranky Old Man
Cath says:
November 13, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Thanks Cranky Old Man for your feedback. It’s good to hear things from a man’s point of view. I’ve learned a lot about raising boys since I first wrote this post. It can be really hard for a mum to understand a boy’s need to release that “pent up energy” that often comes out as rough play or aggression. I’m very lucky my hubby is such a hands-on Dad and can help direct it in constructive ways.
We are slowly introducing the bad stuff as he grows and his understanding grows. He is a naturally “deep” child and can get hung up on some of the darker stuff, so it’s a juggling act to know how much detail to go into to answer his questions, without unsettling him to the point where he feels the world is unsafe. And I guess we are just lucky to live in a country where guns and violence are not part of our everyday lives.
Cath says:
November 13, 2011 at 1:10 pm
The visual element does make a huge difference, I agree…
Life In A Pink Fibro says:
November 13, 2011 at 2:50 pm
I think the documentary ‘Go Back to Where You Came From’ showed how much difference it makes when we feel we ‘know’ the people involved in any news story. I am so sad about Bernard. I sincerely hope he was okay.
Visiting via the Rewind.