Free to Move
I have a question. At what age should kids stop riding in prams? In other words, when should a child learn to stand on his or her own two feet?
From my end, I have absolutely no idea, as the munchkin started developing a “have legs, will travel” approach from the moment he started walking. By 18 months of age, the munchkin, the pram and I had started parting ways – usually in three different directions. By the time he was 2 1/2, the pram had been gathering dust for months, and was passed onto another family member. We haven’t missed it since.
Now I think it should be stated for the record, that the munchkin and I didn’t go for long daily strolls to the shops or around the block. We live on the side of a mountain. I did it twice, and regretted it both times. It’s hard work pushing a solidly built Beema up the hill, then up the street, and then the driveway. We never bothered with the stairs! So, it was used only for outings on the flat – the shopping mall, around the city, the zoo, the occasional market. Plus, I was working full-time back then.
The reason I ask is that the other day, I spotted YET ANOTHER child riding in a pram who didn’t really seem to fit into it, and it made me feel quite uncomfortable and embarrassed. This is not the first occasion. Occasionally I have even spotted kids playing video games on mummy’s iPhone or a Nintendo DS while riding in style. Uncomfortable, because I find myself passing judgement – “You horrible, lazy child”, or “What’s wrong with you, woman? Why don’t you just make your kids walk?” Embarrassed, because I realise I don’t know the whole story. The child MIGHT be lazy or demanding. The parents MIGHT be so caught up in their own business that it is easier to push a kid around than having to chase them, or control their behaviour or slow down to child’s pace. OR they may be living an eco-friendly, car-free lifestyle, and have just walked for 10kms (ever heard of bikes (?)). OR the child might have a serious illness, or a disability or something.
Today we have become far more aware of others’ situations, and have become quite politically correct (PC) in case we might accidentally offend someone. I don’t think this is a bad thing. However, by avoiding “externalising” our judgements, I wonder if it is giving people permission to engage in practices that are detrimental to others’ well-being – such as restraining a child from walking, exploring, touching, listening to instructions and acting upon them? Would a parent be more aware of their actions if faced with dirty looks and the occasional blurted out comment?
Have we taken PC beyond the level where encourages diversity, to a point where it causes confusion, embarrassment and guilt at a deeper level?
I don’t know. My kid gave up the pram long ago.
This post was inspired by cards from Little Tackers Story Starter conversation cards, as part of my Story Starter Challenge. The cards selected were “An embarrassing moment…” and “Getting around”.
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Melissa says:
June 15, 2011 at 9:52 pm
I’m with you, my kids gave up the pram long ago – I had to get one of those backpacks with a leash to keep track of a toddler when I had a baby in the pram – none of those toddler seats for my little man!
Jennie says:
June 16, 2011 at 12:02 am
I have often thought a simmilar thing. I must admit that for a VERY long time we took a stroller everywhere with our eldest boy, and towards the end it was used to carry stuff, not him, but we did have a good reason. He was a runner and severe tantrum thrower. Hubby was a big fan of letting him walk (as was I you must understand), but one day he chose that we should leave the stroller in the car. What resulted was a rather long time in Big W with our boy laying face down on the floor refusing to move, and us browseing stuff we didn’t want and pretending NOT to be keeping an eye on him. We eventually football held him right back to the car. Needless to say hubby didn’t leave the stroller behind again. Mind you, hubby would constantly ask me “why do you keep getting him out if he behaves so badly? Just leave him in there”. The thing is, that in order to learn, he had to experience being out of the stroller. I spent a LOT of embarrassing time with this issue, and many many times my poor husband was off sprinting after our child as he tore into car parks and such YES we have a leash, but hubby refused to use it). We were honestly afraid to get rid of it in the end, but good grief I have wondered sometimes. I dont drive, so travel long distances and may be out for an entire day, so it’s pretty relevant given I have a kid who will gladly lie face down for as long as I will put up with it before dragging him off. But he is YOUNGER then many of these kids I see, and he no longer travels with a stroller at all. Do I feel the right to judge because I have good reasons for doing what they do and don’t? Maybe. I have the utmost compassion for parents with issues, but what percentage is this really? We are a society where our kids are dropped at school by car and I even see kids dropped at kinder by car. There is not much chance for these kids to get fit at all.
Kerri says:
June 16, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Did these same “kids” have a dummy firmly shoved in too?
Jackie Katsianas says:
June 19, 2011 at 3:13 am
I know what you mean about this – and there is a very funny tumblr site out there with photos of 4 year olds (and older!) in strollers called “Walk!” or something similar.
But I understand how it happens too, as kids go through that really tricky phase where they’re kind of too old to be sitting in a stroller but they also get tired really easily from walking. It would be tempting just to bring the stroller especially when you have to get lots of stuff done or just want an easier day. It wasn’t really an option for me, with twins my stroller was too big to push around empty just in case the kids got sick of walking, but we did definitely curtail outings once they were old enough to go on foot, as it all just got too hard once they got tired or decided to run off.
Michelle says:
August 7, 2011 at 4:14 am
I do remember when I had my 2nd child a mother at the park proudly saying how she would not be getting a double stroller for her baby and toddler. She was the same mother who drove to the park everyday. I did have a double and it allowed me to do lots of walking, it gave me somewhere to put the groceries mostly but it also meant that rather than drive to the shops we could walk.
My youngest child (of 4) is now 4 and we haven’t used a stroller for a very long time. But I still sometimes miss having one on those days where things are not quite right with the world and he is really struggling to make it all the way to the shops on his scooter. But mostly it is a v good thing as of course he learns that he can in fact make it. Now the biggest problem is that I have nowhere to store all my stuff!
I think that actually commenting to somebody about their child being in a stroller would be incredibly rude. Think your thoughts for sure, while being aware that we usually don’t have the whole story.
And thank you for a very interesting, thought provoking and somewhat controversial post!
michelle
MultipleMum says:
August 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm
I call my four year old a ’slow learner’ when he tries to ditch his scooter and jump in the pram (already occupied by his two year old twin brother and sister). We walk a lot around here. I look forward to getting rid the pram but for us, with four young kids, it is a safety blanket. I think your thoughts and observations are very valid however. Thanks for Rewinding x
Karen says:
August 7, 2011 at 3:07 pm
I try to encourage my kids to walk when they want to, but it’s always nice to have a back up. My boys are 5, 3 and 1 and we walk everywhere so our pram gets a thorough work out.
My biggest boy loves riding his scooter, and often will ride it when his little brothers are in the pram. He stopped fitting in the pram sometime between 3.5 and 4 yrs. If they don’t fit in, they should walk/scoot/ride.
Amanda Kendle says:
August 7, 2011 at 3:37 pm
I love your reasoning. Plus this post gives me an excuse to add this rant: last week I took my small boy (16 months, recently started walking) to the library. I left the pram in the car because we were in no hurry and he loves to walk. Of course this meant when I was checking out our books I was juggling him (so he didn’t wander off too far – the check out part is near the door) and the books and my bag. I didn’t stand behind the line to wait my turn as required so that I could rest the books on the counter. The librarian (elderly, long forgotten what small children are like) told me when it was my turn that patrons are required to stand behind the line. I told her I had moved forward to rest my books because I was juggling everything. She told me “Sometimes it’s worth the effort to get the pram out of the car”. Aggghhh! I just grabbed my books and left. Small children who want to walk and move do not need to sit in a pram all day!
Simone Hudson says:
August 7, 2011 at 7:08 pm
I was one of those parents who had people look weirdly at me, my daughter was 5 and still in a pram. You see, she has Juvenile Arthritis and some days she just hurts too much to walk. Because she looks normal we used to get all manner of comments. I learnt to brush them off though…
My son wasn’t in the pram as long as her though – he loved the freedom of walking.
Aly @ The Mummy Hat says:
August 7, 2011 at 11:58 pm
I love my pram but I do live in the mountains so walking is often a lot of hard work! I don’t think my daughter loves my pram as much as I do and seeing as she’s trying to stand and walk on her own these days, I can’t see us using it as much anymore. Such a shame though, it really is fabulous! Might have to have another bubba so we can get more use out of it!
Rewinding with the Multiple Mum
Cath says:
August 9, 2011 at 12:04 am
Thanks everyone for your comments… see it is a little bit controversial! A bike or scooter does sound like a good solution for those 4+ kids who get too tired walking (except here – where it would be an absolute disaster waiting to happen).
Bronwyn says:
August 9, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Great post!. I think this is a topic worth chatting about. I know I am probably going to start more arguments but I am coming down on the ‘PC’ side of the fence. Like Simone above, I too know about those weird looks.
I have 2 children (Boy is almost 4 and Girl 22 months) and I do use a double stroller. My main use of it is to walk my kids to and from childcare that is about 800 metres from our house. My main reasoning … my son has Autism and managing the 2 of them would be impossible (and dangerous) if I tried to walk there by myself without the stroller.
Autism Spectrum Disorders are one of those difficult things that unless you spend sometime with him (and have an understanding of the condition) you may not notice or even suspect it. There is no “Autistic” look. In my experience it is very easy for well-meaning (but rude) people to make judgements without understanding his condition. Trust me most special needs parents have a plethora of experts telling them what to do (about everything). You may think you are doing the right thing but trust it can be extremely hurtful when someone says something.
Thanks for starting this important conversation!!